She asks ....

"Has God forgotten me," she asks.

I think how to answer this as I gaze at the toys strewn across my living room floor.

No, I think. He has not forgotten you. But it is not an answer I can give her. Because no matter how I answer this, she will feel forsaken.

There was a time when I felt her same desperation, hopelessness, invisibility, isolation, and unimportance. There was a time when I asked the very same question. And I must remember that now. Instead I tell her, "I am so very very sorry." It is all I can say, and the words seem so inadequate.

All I can do is all I have ever done. Ask God to please spare her any more pain. Hasn't she suffered enough? How many more tests can she endure? How much more can she give? How much pain can she stand? How tired can her body be? How occupied her mind? Please, please, hear my prayer. She is good. She is kind. She is giving. She loves. Don't break her. Don't take away the Hope and Innocence she has left. Don't strip her of the shred of dignity she maintains.

Hear her prayer. Heal her heart. Let her love. Fill her up. Soothe her pain.

I gaze again upon the beautiful mess of my home. With a small acknowledgement of thanks, I remember that her mess will come soon. I am humbled. I am reminded. I am her Hope when she has none left. I will continue to Hope for her. Lift her up. Remind her of her strength when she feels that she has none.

You are strong, my dear. You are blessed, my love. You are not forgotten, my sweet.

It is all I can do. And it is so little.

A Word of Hope for a Friend in Need

Although I wrote this to a specific friend, in writing it, I couldn't help but feel that it was directed at everyone I know who is suffering. Getting word from this friend today that she suffered an unsuccessful fertility treatment, starting her period one day before her blood test (life can be so cruel), I was immediately taken back to the times Casey and I suffered such a blow as hers and the devastation, hopelessness, and complete and utter sorrow that was all-consuming. I sent her this message but wanted to share it here as well. To anyone suffering from Infertility and feeling desperate, hopeless, and sad: I hope my words can be of some slight comfort to you. My heart is with you ....



I want you to know that my heart is with your heart right now. I can feel the devastation and hopelessness that you are feeling and wish beyond words that I could, in some small way, lessen the burden.



I know, because I have been in your shoes, that there is nothing anyone can say to you today that will make you feel better or less sad. And it is unfair to try to make you feel less sad. Feeling sad and crying is the most natural way to find relief from your pain, so cry all you need to. Please know that even though you are where you are and I am where I am, I am feeling your pain along with you. And I hope you can feel that in sharing your story and your pain with me, that your load is a little lighter.



You are a sweet, kind, caring and loving person, and I know the universe has beautiful things in store for you. It is part of being human to not be able to understand why things happen. I know you ask yourself why almost on a daily basis. I hope you find some answer to your question. When I was suffering miscarriage after miscarriage and having month after month with no results, there were people in my life who hoped for me because I felt like I had no hope left.



I want you to know that I am one of those people who will never ever lose hope for you. So even when you feel like you can't keep going and like you have nothing else to give. I'll be here to Hope for you and to lift you up and help carry you through this. I will cry with you, laugh with you, and celebrate with you WHEN the day comes. Our hearts are one in the same, love.



Take good care of yourself today and in the coming days. Do kind things for yourself.



Lots of love to you. I am always here.