A Word of Hope for a Friend in Need

Although I wrote this to a specific friend, in writing it, I couldn't help but feel that it was directed at everyone I know who is suffering. Getting word from this friend today that she suffered an unsuccessful fertility treatment, starting her period one day before her blood test (life can be so cruel), I was immediately taken back to the times Casey and I suffered such a blow as hers and the devastation, hopelessness, and complete and utter sorrow that was all-consuming. I sent her this message but wanted to share it here as well. To anyone suffering from Infertility and feeling desperate, hopeless, and sad: I hope my words can be of some slight comfort to you. My heart is with you ....



I want you to know that my heart is with your heart right now. I can feel the devastation and hopelessness that you are feeling and wish beyond words that I could, in some small way, lessen the burden.



I know, because I have been in your shoes, that there is nothing anyone can say to you today that will make you feel better or less sad. And it is unfair to try to make you feel less sad. Feeling sad and crying is the most natural way to find relief from your pain, so cry all you need to. Please know that even though you are where you are and I am where I am, I am feeling your pain along with you. And I hope you can feel that in sharing your story and your pain with me, that your load is a little lighter.



You are a sweet, kind, caring and loving person, and I know the universe has beautiful things in store for you. It is part of being human to not be able to understand why things happen. I know you ask yourself why almost on a daily basis. I hope you find some answer to your question. When I was suffering miscarriage after miscarriage and having month after month with no results, there were people in my life who hoped for me because I felt like I had no hope left.



I want you to know that I am one of those people who will never ever lose hope for you. So even when you feel like you can't keep going and like you have nothing else to give. I'll be here to Hope for you and to lift you up and help carry you through this. I will cry with you, laugh with you, and celebrate with you WHEN the day comes. Our hearts are one in the same, love.



Take good care of yourself today and in the coming days. Do kind things for yourself.



Lots of love to you. I am always here.

RESOLVE to know more ...

RESOLVE to know more about the heart of an infertile woman.

This blog began as a therapeutic outlet for me as I struggled to become pregnant.  I have always journaled, so why a blog for this purpose?  Why make such intimate and personal thoughts and feelings so public?  Very early on in my struggle with infertility, I realized an innate need to be understood by others.  Infertility can be one of the most heart-wrenching and isolating experiences a person faces.  In the beginning of my struggle, I felt this isolation immensely.  I began isolating myself from friends and family and eventually from those who were the closest to me.  Perhaps by beginning to lay my emotions out on the line, via this blog, I was making a last-ditch effort to connect with others. 

Unintentionally, this blog became my saving grace.  I found that, when faced with the gut-wrenching and inevitable questions, "When are you going to have a baby?" I could direct the inquirer to my blog.  It gave me an answer!  Before this blog, I never had an answer to that question because ... well.... I didn't know when I was going to have a baby or even if I was going to have a baby.  It could be humiliating and awkward for all parties involved for me to try to fumble through an explanation for why I had not become pregnant, so being able to say, "Well, I am working on that.  You should check out my blog, it is really interesting!" was a life-saver and made that question so much easier to face. 

It also gave me the ability to hold people accountable for what I considered their lack of knowledge and insensitivity because of it.  After one particularly distressing encounter with yet another Fertile Relative, I inconsolably wept to my husband, lamenting people's lack of compassion to such a sensitive subject.  My husband, ever the optimist and giver of endless benefits of the doubt, reminded me that "People just don't know about our situation, and if they did, chances are they wouldn't ask."  Lightbulb!  He was EXACTLY right.  People didn't know.  And I was holding them accountable for actions they were taking without knowledge.  Being a librarian and knowledge-lover, I realized that if I educated people - about my situation and about infertility in general - then I could begin holding them accountable for their actions and words.  As an infertile woman, my first reaction to my situation was anger.  I had to find a way to react differently or I risked pushing away every person in my life.  Accountability was the key.  I soon realized, though, that once I did begin informing people about infertility and about what I was struggling with, I no longer needed to hold them accountable because people, for the most part, became much more understanding and compassionate.  I feel that I have made a small impact in informing those around me about infertility.  And giving them insight into the heart of an infertile person - the joy, trauma, sadness, excitement, hope, and despair that lives there.

I learned that speaking out and giving information, without anger, helped not only me but helped other infertile couples.  Before long, friends were telling their friends about my blog because they were also struggling with infertility.  My blog then became a place of solace.  This, perhaps, has been it's greatest and most important achievement.  Many women have gone to my blog or contacted me because they are struggling with infertility or are about to embark on a fertility journey.  My blog serves as a place for them to get information about what they should expect as well as a place to laugh and cry along with someone who has been in their shoes.  I can only hope that my blog has made an impact, in some small way, to console and comfort the hearts of those who are suffering.  It's title came from my favorite book and poetically sums up the heart of the blog and the heart of women everywhere whether or not they suffer with infertility.  We all bear great strength and suffer great hurts.  We never know how strong we are until we are faced with the unthinkable.  We do not realize we are being strong as we cry and doubt our way through our challenges.  We seldom give ourselves credit for being amazing because we were just doing what we had to do.  But women who suffer from infertility are Strong.  They are Warriors in the face of the unthinkable.  Their tears and doubts make FERTILE the ground that lies before them whatever that may be.  And they are Amazing in their ability to keep forging ahead just because another day comes.  This blog is dedicated to all of the women whose hearts are a ladle of Sweet Water Brimming Over. 

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)