Guest Blogger: Tori's Story

I am humbled and honored to introduce Tori Fisher as my very first guest blogger.  Tori enthusiastically accepted my request for her to share her story with you as she bravely continues to try to conceive her first child.  I had the honor of meeting Tori through a friend of my husband's via Facebook.  As I sat with Tori over coffee and listened to her tell her story, I heard echoes of the same feelings, emotions, difficulties, and Hopes that I knew so well.  I am lucky to count Tori among the friends I have made as a result of this battle with infertility.  I have said it before, and I will say it again - meeting people like Tori and bonding with them over our common source of suffering has been the most important Silver Lining in this situation.  Beautiful things come from great tragedy and getting to know Tori has been one of the most beautiful.  Please join me in warmly welcoming Tori to this blog and thank you for reading Tori's story.  I hope you get as much inspiration from her infectious positivity, enduring Hope, and encouraging words as I have. 

  Tori's Story

 

My husband and I had been together for six years when we finally got married June 2012. Shortly after getting married the questions started “When do you two plan on trying for a kid?”. What seemed like such a simple question soon began to be a dagger to the heart.  

I went for a normal woman checkup and during my appointment I brought up that my husband and I had been trying to conceive for almost a year. She told me that it was in my best interest to get tested. I signed up for the HCG test and did the hormone level blood work checkup. All the tests came back normal. She then wrote up orders for my husband to get his sperm checked. He took the sperm analysis test twice, the first one the numbers were everywhere and the second test told us exactly what we thought the problem was. He went to a Urologist and found out he had low motility. He was put on a pill for six months. After the six months, nothing changed and we were still not successful. We were then referred to go to a fertility specialist. 

Fertility Specialist, sounds like a very scary name when you are so unfamiliar with what is going to happen or what the next step is going to be. I remember being so nervous and ready to faint when I walked in. All kinds of things ran through my head, “Is he going to tell us that we can never conceive”, “Are we going to have to do IUI or IVF”, “How much is it going to cost”, etc. I remember the day of appointment I researched the difference between IUI and IVF. I had my mind set that I wanted to IUI. I only had my mind set on this because it dealt with fewer needles than the IVF. I’m such a baby when it comes to needles.  

The doctor comes to get us and we walk into the consultation room. We pull out all the results from all the tests we had performed. He looks over mine and nods that everything is good. He looks at my husbands and looks at the very bottom of the page and circles “morphology”. He said this is why you two have not been able to conceive. We look at him like he had 10 heads. What is morphology? What about his motility? Morphology is the form and structure of organisms and their specific structural features. Basically, sperm is made up of three parts; head, body, tail. Each part is supposed to be a certain length and look a certain way. The doctor confirmed that we only had a 1% chance to conceive on our own. I held back the tears as he looked us in the eyes and told us this. My heart dropped into my stomach. He said our best choice was to do IVF. I immediately told him that I wanted to do IUI. He explained that IUI would most likely not be successful because we needed help with picking the good sperm out from the bad sperm. During an IUI cycle, they do not do that and we would only have a 10% chance of conceiving. IVF was the correct route for us to be able to have a 75% chance of conceiving. We met with the financial counselor and went over the cost. We left the doctor’s office and when I got in the car I began bawling. “Why us?” “Why my husband?” 

I met a Ashley, who I learned went through IVF, and began talking to her on Facebook. She was a complete stranger to me and stayed up one night giving me all the details of her journey. From miscarriages to IUI to IVF, I heard it all. After hearing her story, I decided IVF is the way to go. My husband said “We might as well go for the GOLD if we are going to do it” He called it the GOLD because it was much more expensive.

So our journey began March 2014. I went in for my first appointment and had to get 13 vials of blood drawn. Yes this girl who is so scared of needles did it. I was so proud of myself and so was my husband. Next, we scheduled an appointment for a hysteroscopy. A hysteroscopy is a way for the doctor to look at your lining to make sure everything is healthy for a transfer. You are put to sleep during this procedure. I had to conquer the IV. I didn’t sleep the night before thinking about the procedure and most of all thinking about the IV. I cried before the IV was even in but I did it! It was just another accomplishment that I made during this long journey ahead. 

The next step in the process was to begin the shots to mature my eggs. It was ten long days of two shots in the stomach every night at the same time. It was ten long days that I thought were going to break me and make me give up. There were times I was really low during those 10 days but then there were times I was very positive. Each doctor appointment we received good news and it helped me stay positive. After the ten days, it was egg retrieval time. The most crucial time during the whole journey because with no eggs there is no transfer. We found out they retrieve 20 eggs but only 19 of them passed to be able to be fertilized. They fertilized 19 eggs and 16 eggs took. They watched the embryos grow for five days. After the fifth day, we had 13 great embryos. They were frozen and the chromosomes were tested. After the testing, we had 10 embryos that passed. We found out that we had 7 girls and 3 boys. I remember finding out all of this and telling my husband how lucky we were. Not everyone gets such big numbers. Our down times had to be reminded by the great news we’ve had.  

Shortly after the transfer, I started on Estrogen pills three times daily and Miniville patch that had to be changed every three days. The beginning of the medication started great but then I began to break out in a rash where the patch was. I found out that I was allergic to the adhesive on the patch and had to stop taking it. It didn’t slow the process down and my estrogen level did great. I was right on schedule for my first transfer. Six days before my transfer I started taking vaginal inserts to raise my progesterone level. 

My first transfer date was scheduled May 2014. We were so excited but yet very nervous. I kept asking myself “Why am I nervous?” I should be jumping with joy and super excited. After talking to others, they had the same emotions. My embryos thawed out great and the transfer went well. Now I had to wait two long weeks to find out if it worked. I worked long hours and kept my mind busy. It was so hard not go and buy a pregnancy test to see if I was pregnant.  

Testing day was finally here! I was so excited and very positive. I went into the doctor and got my blood drawn. We went to eat afterwards and spent the morning together until we received the phone call. The nurse called and said “Victoria, you are PREGNANT!” My husband began to cry and I was in shock. I think I had cried so much during the journey that I was running out of tears. I called my family and told them and they were all excited. Little did I know what was coming next…

The weekend came and I began to feel cramping and I started to spot a little. I told my mom and researched the vaginal inserts that I was on and a side effect was spotting. We ignored it and went on. The next day I began to bleed even more. I called the after hour clinic and went in for blood work. My blood came back great. All my levels were doubling which is what they are supposed to do. I went into my doctor that Monday for a follow up. They took blood and I told him what happened. He decided to do a vaginal ultrasound to see if he could see anything. It was too early to see a baby but he wanted to check my ovaries. He didn’t see anything unusual and told me to take it easy. Later that day, my blood results came in and I found out that I was having a miscarriage. My pregnancy level went from 1200 to 200. I was devastated. I never have been so hurt and upset in my life. The hardest part was calling to tell my husband. My mother picked me up from work and my husband came there to pick me up. We both cried so hard when we saw each other. He began blaming himself. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault. 

As bad as I wanted to give up, I knew that I had come too far not to keep going. We took a few weeks off the medication. Shortly later, we started back on the estrogen and progesterone. We scheduled our next transfer for July 2014. This time I took two weeks off work and worked from home. I kept my feet propped up and took it easy. After the two weeks were up I went in for the blood test. It came back NEGATIVE. I was heartbroken all over again. Why? Why? I just didn’t understand and most of all, the doctor didn’t understand. He decided that we would do a procedure in office to check my lining again and this go around we would do progesterone shots instead of inserts. My lining looked great and he said I could start again when I was ready. I had a few other medical things going on that pushed back my third transfer. 

During all the heartaches of my journey, the doctor became not just my doctor but a friend. The nurses were not just nurses; they became friends and helped comfort my sadness. The nurses were the ones who kept pushing me through to continue through the journey and not give up. My friends, family, and coworkers stood beside me along the way too. I believe that I would have given up a long time ago if it wasn’t for my support system. They reminded me how long I’ve come and how strong I really was. When you get low, you seem to forget how far you’ve come. I can say that I’ve grown so much as a person, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a coworker, and as a mother. I still may not be a mother to a human being but I’m a mother at heart. I have faith that my day will come soon…until then I will continue to pray. Pray for the strength and guidance to keep pushing along and to never give up. 

Now we are waiting on our next transfer to be scheduled. I have high hopes and positive vibes. I know God has a plan and his plan is bigger and better than any plan that I’ve ever imagined. From one fertility struggler to another always remember “Never give up!” Speak freely about it and remember not to be embarrassed. The more you speak out about it the more you find that several people have been down the same journey. Everyone’s journey has a different twist but we all suffer from the same thing…wanting to conceive.