Am I a person??? Or a baby machine??

St. Anne:  Patron Saint of Mothers and Healer of Infertility

Okay, so it must be said .... STOP ASKING ME ABOUT BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I think people really forget that women are people ... once you get married you just stop being YOU and start being a vessel for what other people want.  Forget about all the goals you've set, your dreams, your hopes, and God forbid you have fears or concerns .... It's like one day you're a Bride to Be and the next day you're being asked, "So when are you going to have babies??"  I serioulsy should just quit my job and start charging people each time they ask.  I could make a pretty decent living that way, I think ... much better than I make as a Librarian ... a job, might I add, that I worked hard toward, dedicating the last two years to tirelessly work on a Master's Degree (one reason babies aren't in the picture yet).  But I guess since I'm female, it makes me selfish to have wanted to better myself BEFORE having kids.  It couldn't possibly be that I would like my kids to look at me with respect or that I want to give them the best life possible.  Nah! I'm just selfish. 

Another thing I don't quite understand is what goes through people's minds when they ask you this question?  I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say, "Nothing!" .... For lack of anything better to say to you, they simply assume that it is your aim to be barefoot and pregnant at the ripe old age of 27, and that you won't mind one bit if they pry into one of the most personal aspects of your married life.  It never strikes them that you might be afraid or you might not be able to have children.  It certainly doesn't strike them that if that were the case, you might be offended, upset, angered, etc. by their thoughtless comments.  I am here to tell you that if you are talking to a 27 year old married woman and she does NOT have children, you are best off assuming that she is having trouble conceiving, and you'd be better served to ask her about the weather instead.

It may not have occured to most of you, so I'm going to explain the day in the life of a woman struggling with infertility.

 Wake up
Take your temperature.
 Remember you are NOT pregnant
 Pee on a stick ... nope, not ovulating.
Be upset
Move on with your day
Drive to work
Listen to the radio mention pregnancy, babies, infertility treatment, etc.
Turn the station  
Repeat last two steps (possibly multiple times)
Get to work
Greet your pregnant coworker
Check Facebook and find out two more people are pregnant, are having girls, gave birth, etc.
Drink coffee (because you can and this might be the ONLY benefit to your situation at the moment... so ha!).
Have lunch which consists of a tasteless salad with a side of fruit when what you really want is a hamburger and a big old freakin' cupcake ... but Folic Acid is a must!
Run into friend, family member, old highschool classmate.
Nervously anticipate the question.
Correctly assume they will ask.
Answer, "Well, I just finished my Master's Degree, and we're just waiting until the time is right."
Fight back tears.
Feel relieved when she walks away.
Let yourself cry for the rest of your lunchbreak.
Go back to work.
Finish workday while avoiding pregnant coworker.
Go home.
Greet pregnant neighbor.
Curl in a ball and cry for 10 minutes.
Make dinner.
Over dinner, discuss Dr.'s Appointments with husband ... realize he can't go and cry because you have to do it alone.
Argue with husband.
Cry.
Make up.
Have sex (secretly hoping you get pregnant despite what that stupid ovulation test said).
Take your prenatal vitamin.
Go to bed.
Lay awake thinking of: what your baby would look like, how nervous you are about your dr. appt., what you will do if you never have kids, etc.
Wake up.
Remember that you are NOT pregnant ...... and so on.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it???