I'm on a Bloat!

Holy Laxative Batman!  2 days after ERD, and I am so happy to have all that behind us.  However,  No One or No Thing prepared me for the amount of bloating that would occur amongst my innards as a result of this procedure.  My God, I may need to ask if they retrieved 7 eggs or placed 7 toddlers inside my abdomen on Tuesday!!  There are a couple of things going on in my poor, exhausted torso at the moment, I think:

1.  Anesthesia - apparently being under general anesthesia makes you constipated.  Well let me just say that this statement is probably the biggest understatement I have heard in my entire lifetime and should really be described is that your Digestive System simply ceases to exist in any form or fashion.  It literally feels like my stomach is the collection pot at Lakewood Church and parishioners are tithing large chunks of food instead of money.  Jesus H. Christ!  I seriously look like I am 6 months pregnant with elephant triplets.

2.  OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) - I'm not sure if I actually have this or maybe a mild form of it that occurs during IVF cycles as a result of the potent medications that are stimulating the ovaries, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph the cramping, bloating, and feeling like someone kicked me right in the Hoo-Ha! (Thanks for that analogy, Samira!).  It hurts to sit.  It hurts to walk.  It hurts to turn.  It hurts to pee.

3.  Lethal Combination - All of the Poop, Gas, and Ovary Fluid that is collecting inside of me is roiling together like a hurricane at a Jimmy Buffett concert and not in a good way (Man, I'd kill for a Margarita ... but I digress).  I do not feel like I will ever pass gas again, and boy would I love to.  I swear ... whenever I get the urge, the people around me better watch out because I am letting it rip come Hell or High Water paying no mind to my surroundings.  It boils down to this.  There has been a Fart growing inside of me for the past 3 days that has become an entity all its own.  It probably  has teeth and fingernails.  When this thing decides to make it's debut ... far be it for me to deny it's entrance into the world.  And when the 4 separate laxatives I took yesterday, Prune smoothies, and Flax I have been eating for the past 2 days decide to do their job and trigger the bowels..... Whoa-ho, Buddy you better watch out because me giving birth to these IVF triplets I so hope for will be a romantic stroll on the beach compared to 15 lb turd I am cooking up.  :)

Hope you are reading this over lunch.  TMI?!  I think not.  As I said before, I want this blog to be read as a realistic experience of an IVF cycle... I know that those of you who have been through it are ROTFL right now .... and those of you who haven't think I am exaggerating ... My hope is that those of you who are about to are prepared and see the humor in it .... You are not alone.

Thanks for reading!